JEFF SESSIONS FIRED: Returns to office to find Trump’s sock on door knob

That’s how Trump fires people. He hands them a sock and shows them the door.

Less than an hour after finishing his awkward Congressional testimony, Attorney General discovered the size five foot sock suspended from his office door.

“It took a couple hours to figure out what was happening,” said one aide. “Looking at the size of the sock, every one assumed Melania must have left it as a happy birthday gift.

“She’s had trouble finding her husbands office,” the aide clarified.

It wasn’t long before the signal became clear; Session’s efforts, declared Trump, were no longer required.

“That’s how Trump does it,” said one long-time assistance. “He fires people the way his father fired the maid. Hands them an article of clothing and expects them to find the door.”

Confusion filled the office when an extra-large pair of Fruit of the Loom briefs were found slung over Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s office chair. Upon inspection, it was determined that the size did not accord with Trump’s own undergarments. Mueller has since been allowed to keep his job until adequate support for his brass balls can be found.

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An English YouTuber & Worms Armageddon Predicted Trump’s Rise Months Before the Experts (Video)

If only we’d paid attention.

Hilarious Let’s Play YouTuber Many A True Nerd unleashed a barrel of worms with bazooka’s in an AI match and successfully called the US Election as far back as March, 2016. If only we’d paid attention.

Time Magazine Meets Devil Trump, and He’s Horny

This is hardly the strangest thing that’s happened to Trump when engaged with a graphic designer.

Time Magazine claims the M-Shaped horns over 2016’s Person of the Year, Donald Trump, are entirely coincidental. But then there is this…

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Of course, this is a recurring theme. But that’s no reason not to embrace the devilish meme, and this is hardly the strangest thing that’s happened to Trump when he’s been engaged with a graphic designer:

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Says Wired, “If you thought Hey! That looks kind of NSFW! you’re not alone. ‘Yeah, that’s weird,’ says graphic designer Armin Vit, who runs the logo criticism blog Brand New. ‘I mean it’s not—it’s not subtle at all. It’s a ‘T’ penetrating a ‘P.’ There’s no way around it. And we’re human. We’re inclined to find humor in things. So we see a sex act.'”

It’s clear: Donald Trump is a horny man.

Family Guy Saw the Clinton-Trump Fiasco Coming Fifteen Years Ago (Video)

You can’t help but see the similarities.

Just three weeks after The Simpson’s famed “Bart to the Future” episode, Family Guy released “Running Mates.” In it, Peter Griffin decides to run against his extremely qualified wife, Lois, for School Board President, and for no other reason than he was told he couldn’t win.

Of course, he finds himself elected.

In the clip below, Lois berates the idea of voting for someone so unqualified. You can’t help but see the similarities.

Check the full episode on Hulu.

Watch Fiona Apple Sing “Trump’s Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire” (Video)

Everybody knows that money and entitlement can help to make the season white.

Everybody knows that money and entitlement can help to make the season white.

John Oliver Is Back On The Attack (Video)

The star comic returns to offer a few choice words to The Donald.

After The Donald settles his Trump University lawsuit for $25 million, the star comic returns to offer a few choice words from his seat on the now-legendary HBO show.

 

The Future First Lady Will Block Off Fifth Avenue – Plus, Kittens (Video)

The Secret Service is going to have to keep that whole area cordoned off so that some wacko can’t get close and detonate a car bomb.

It could hardly have been Sophie’s most difficult choice, when Melania Trump elected to allow her son to finish out his term at a private school in New York’s Upper West Side rather than move into the world’s most famous address.

But insofar as the Secret Service is concerned, anywhere the First Family goes is the White House. Million’s of New Yorker’s will discover this when the President-Elect takes his oath early next year. Esquire cites one former Delta Force commander as saying Trump Tower will “become the White House of New York. The Secret Service is going to have to keep that whole area cordoned off so that some wacko can’t get close and detonate a car bomb.”

The former commander, Jim Reese, is now the president of global security firm Tigerswan. Seeing as how Trump likes to keep government out of things that can be handled in the private sector, maybe Tigerswan will have some taxpayer-funded business coming in the near future.

As for the eight-million soon-to-be peeved Manhattanites, don’t worry. There are still good things in the world. Watch this video of Anakin the Two Legged Cat before you go to work each morning. Hopefully it will help you hold back the anger.