White House Dumpster Fire Causes Nuclear Scare Among Trump Staff

Says Spicer, “They start fires under the White House, and then they blame the fake media.”

The dumpster was said to be loaded with material in “the Russian language.”

Emergency vehicles rushed to Joe’s Steakhouse, hurrying patrons from the 15th & H Street restaurant. Within hours, the flame had spread to the White House grounds and building itself.

“I thought there must have been a bomb, maybe,” said one patron. “But then one firefighter hustles in and grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall.”

FBI were next on the scene. An investigator, who insisted on remaining anonymous, reports “a big blaze from the trumpster (sic) out back. There were papers scattered everywhere, a few cases of cassette tapes. Most of it we’re going to have to bring a translator in to deal with, but I’ve read my Tolstoy, and that sh*t was definitely going on too long and with too many details. Definitely some Ruskie bullsh*t.”

Investigators report numerous cartons of Russian-language paperwork and “more 8-tracks than a late-seventies high school reunion.”

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer responded, “I don’t know about the cassettes – do you know about the cassettes? – and there’s not much I don’t know about, there’s not much the President doesn’t know about.”

Trump corrected Spicer, saying, “I know a lot. I’m like, a smart person. But anyone starting a fire that close to nukes – did you know there’s nukes, there is nuclear missiles under the blank house, under the White House, and you want to start a fire? And you want to start a fire? That to me, that’s what Democrats do, they start fires under white houses, and then they blame the fake media.”

The White House was evacuated a few hours after the dumpster fire was extinguished. Sean Spicer was reported to have left the scene embarrassed and in tears. Regional fake news reports no casualties, but a severe spike in local hubris for sharing the story.

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Chris Christie ‘Gasses’ Himself

A 30-foot radius felt the gas attack from Chris Christie. Victims were sent to the hospital after vomiting and eye bleeding began just seconds after the exposure to the gas. Continue reading “Chris Christie ‘Gasses’ Himself”

Los Angeles: Let The Hate Begin- Man Stabbed Outside Simi Valley Mosque

A local father was stabbed in an alleged hate crime outside his Simi Valley mosque.

A local father was stabbed in an alleged hate crime outside his Simi Valley mosque.

Welcome to Trumpland. It’s all downhill from here…

USA Vs. China: Who Would (Or Will) Win?

“How would a war between these two superpowers go?”

With Donald Trump seemingly hellbent on destroying a half-century of diplomacy within his first few months as President, now is the time to share Binkov’s Battleground’s latest video.

Says Binkov, “How would a war between these two superpowers go? Whose navy and air force has the upper hand? Would it turn into a ground war? Watch to find out!”