JEFF SESSIONS FIRED: Returns to office to find Trump’s sock on door knob

That’s how Trump fires people. He hands them a sock and shows them the door.

Less than an hour after finishing his awkward Congressional testimony, Attorney General discovered the size five foot sock suspended from his office door.

“It took a couple hours to figure out what was happening,” said one aide. “Looking at the size of the sock, every one assumed Melania must have left it as a happy birthday gift.

“She’s had trouble finding her husbands office,” the aide clarified.

It wasn’t long before the signal became clear; Session’s efforts, declared Trump, were no longer required.

“That’s how Trump does it,” said one long-time assistance. “He fires people the way his father fired the maid. Hands them an article of clothing and expects them to find the door.”

Confusion filled the office when an extra-large pair of Fruit of the Loom briefs were found slung over Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s office chair. Upon inspection, it was determined that the size did not accord with Trump’s own undergarments. Mueller has since been allowed to keep his job until adequate support for his brass balls can be found.

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Trump Forgot To Pack Underwear For First Big Foreign Trip

President Trump is on his first foreign trip as leader of the free world, he’ll also be riding free since he forgot to pack his underwear on the week-long trip that includes a speech in Saudi Arabia. There is no word if he plans to stop in France. Continue reading “Trump Forgot To Pack Underwear For First Big Foreign Trip”

White House Dumpster Fire Causes Nuclear Scare Among Trump Staff

Says Spicer, “They start fires under the White House, and then they blame the fake media.”

The dumpster was said to be loaded with material in “the Russian language.”

Emergency vehicles rushed to Joe’s Steakhouse, hurrying patrons from the 15th & H Street restaurant. Within hours, the flame had spread to the White House grounds and building itself.

“I thought there must have been a bomb, maybe,” said one patron. “But then one firefighter hustles in and grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall.”

FBI were next on the scene. An investigator, who insisted on remaining anonymous, reports “a big blaze from the trumpster (sic) out back. There were papers scattered everywhere, a few cases of cassette tapes. Most of it we’re going to have to bring a translator in to deal with, but I’ve read my Tolstoy, and that sh*t was definitely going on too long and with too many details. Definitely some Ruskie bullsh*t.”

Investigators report numerous cartons of Russian-language paperwork and “more 8-tracks than a late-seventies high school reunion.”

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer responded, “I don’t know about the cassettes – do you know about the cassettes? – and there’s not much I don’t know about, there’s not much the President doesn’t know about.”

Trump corrected Spicer, saying, “I know a lot. I’m like, a smart person. But anyone starting a fire that close to nukes – did you know there’s nukes, there is nuclear missiles under the blank house, under the White House, and you want to start a fire? And you want to start a fire? That to me, that’s what Democrats do, they start fires under white houses, and then they blame the fake media.”

The White House was evacuated a few hours after the dumpster fire was extinguished. Sean Spicer was reported to have left the scene embarrassed and in tears. Regional fake news reports no casualties, but a severe spike in local hubris for sharing the story.

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