Stan Lee Donates $1.2 Billion To #MeToo

Following the death of prolific cartoonist at the age of 95, the legend donated his entire estate worth $1.2 billion to the #MeToo Foundation. Continue reading “Stan Lee Donates $1.2 Billion To #MeToo”

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Trump: “Puerto Ricans Should Swim To Better Island”

“Those people should stop being lazy and swim to a better island. Sometimes you have to solve the problem yourself,” said Trump. “I’m a great swimmer.”

“I would have swum out of there when the storm started getting big.

“It’s not my fault.”

Trump Didn’t Know Why He Couldn’t Go To Mar-a-lago This Weekend

President Trump didn’t understand why he couldn’t play golf at his Mar-a-Lago estate this weekend with Hurricane Irma pounding the state.

He even threatened to fire a staffer who had the dubious task of telling the president ‘no’.

“The President doesn’t like the word ‘no’, he thinks it makes him look weak when all he wanted to do was play golf.” 

“He’ll be in a bad mood all weekend now.”

Ivanka Trump Piloted Air Force One From Europe

After a bizarre G-20 Summit where Trump seemingly signaled the decline of US power and progressiveness and an unprecedented act of having your daughter fill in with a meeting of global leaders, Ivanka Trump piloted Air Force One for several hours over the Atlantic ocean. Continue reading “Ivanka Trump Piloted Air Force One From Europe”

Women Would Pay 4 Times More Than Men Under Republican Healthcare Bill

The new Senate released its secret healthcare bill and it has Democrats and most of America reeling from the cold heartedness. It will be a great tax cut for the rich as women will pay four times as much as men. It’s the reasoning why women would pay so much more that is really upsetting many women. Continue reading “Women Would Pay 4 Times More Than Men Under Republican Healthcare Bill”

JEFF SESSIONS FIRED: Returns to office to find Trump’s sock on door knob

That’s how Trump fires people. He hands them a sock and shows them the door.

Less than an hour after finishing his awkward Congressional testimony, Attorney General discovered the size five foot sock suspended from his office door.

“It took a couple hours to figure out what was happening,” said one aide. “Looking at the size of the sock, every one assumed Melania must have left it as a happy birthday gift.

“She’s had trouble finding her husbands office,” the aide clarified.

It wasn’t long before the signal became clear; Session’s efforts, declared Trump, were no longer required.

“That’s how Trump does it,” said one long-time assistance. “He fires people the way his father fired the maid. Hands them an article of clothing and expects them to find the door.”

Confusion filled the office when an extra-large pair of Fruit of the Loom briefs were found slung over Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s office chair. Upon inspection, it was determined that the size did not accord with Trump’s own undergarments. Mueller has since been allowed to keep his job until adequate support for his brass balls can be found.

Trump Made Up Story About Barron’s Reaction To Kathy Griffin Photo

A recent photoshoot with Kathy Griffin was met with harsh criticism for holding a bloody Trump head with a stern look on her face. It turns out, Trump made-up the story as Barron said, “I thought it was Ronald McDonald.”

Steve Bannon, Trump’s top political adviser, and former Breitbart editor, then wrote a story about how Barron thought the picture was real and how to distribute the propaganda.

Barron was offended that people questioned his intelligence. “I’m not dumb, I’m a New Yorker,” said Barron. “I’ve seen much, much worse things on the internet. I thought it was Ronald McDonald, which I didn’t like because I like chicken nuggets.”

The Trump administration tried to twist the situation to help Donald Trump politically, and it has worked. It hasn’t worked on Barron, “I’m already as smart as my father.”

Trump: “Kathy Griffin Is Big Meanie, A Nasty Big Meanie, Very Bigley” 

“It’s very, very mean of her. No president has ever been treated so badly,” said Trump. “Why are comedians doing political comedy. They didn’t do satire or political comedy until I won an election they lost badly.”

57 million people voted for Democrat Hillary Clinton and 54 million people voted for Republican Donald Trump. Hillary won over 3 million more votes. Trump won the electoral college by roughly 75,000 votes across 5 counties in 3 different states.

Sean Spicer threw a tantrum at the media after the President refused to hold a single press conference during his recent 11-day foreign trip, the first to refuse the media request since 1913, mostly because of the First World War, after a comedian did a photo shoot. How does a 71-year-old man become offended by a photo shoot? Nobody knows but the supposed billionaire seems to be skin free.

Griffin was fired from the annual New Year’s Eve CNN program.

LEAKED NASA MEMO: Trump could turn Alien First Contact into Interstellar War

Trump keeps asking, “How are the alien tacos? I know you know where they cook. Taco Bell? Taco Bell is tremendous.”

And the leaks keep coming.

A memo between NASA Administrator Robert Lightfoot, Jr. and lead researcher at the SETI Institute Seth Shostack (the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) has been recovered.

In it, Lightfoot, Jr. relates how ICE agents continually parade about asking how “things are going.” Several requests have been issued for Lisa Nowak’s diaper.

Astronaut Lisa Nowak was arrested in 2007 on charges of attempted kidnapping after through several states wearing an adult diaper.

“I can hear them muttering about how that’s ‘inhuman bullshit,’ and then somebody snickers at the bullshit line. They want DNA tests. They don’t think she’s human, much less American. I keep telling them to talk to the FBI if they want that kind of evidence.

“When I tell them to talk to the FBI, they all get nervous.”

Shostack’s response was included in the leaked memo.

“I know what you mean. It’s all about how Trump is convinced we’ve made contact with extraterrestrials. He keeps sending us emails about “how are the alien tacos? I know you know where they cook. Taco Bell? It’s Taco Bell. Taco Bell is tremendous. Steve is going to come down and take a look.

“And now the ICE guys want to know where we plan on meeting them. They’ve got a whole bulletin board set up down here on extreme vetting for different planets.

“I guess Mars gets a pass. One of the immigration agents said it was red enough.”

 

Trump: “Did You See What Happened In Ariana Grande?”

President Trump was on his first foreign trip and watching Fox News when he learned of the bombing in Manchester, England at an Ariana Grande concert. The blast has now killed 22 people and wounded over 70. Continue reading “Trump: “Did You See What Happened In Ariana Grande?””