Alabama Requires Birth Certificate To Use Public Bathroom

Alabama is the first country to enact insane bathroom laws. You must show your birth certificate to one of thousands bathroom police in order to use the facility.

“The gender stated on your birth certificate will determine what bathroom you may use,” said Jack Offerman. “Taxpayers pay for the construction and maintenance for the bathrooms where kids might be and this is a great way to protect and teach them to obey the law no matter how absurd it is. The law is the law.”

The State will hire over 10,000 Bathroom Patrol Officers (BPO) to conduct birth certificate checks. State representatives claim it will stop drug use and excessive dancing which leads to intercourse. 

The ACLU plans to file a lawsuit for obvious racist reasons. “What if a foreigner is visiting the state of Alabama? We don’t know why anyone would but it could possibly happen,” said Charles Dickerson. “We all know this law is to ban transgender and immigrants from the state. And since they can’t use a bathroom, they will be more likely to defecate outside which penalties have also increased.”

Urinating outside will now come with a 5-year prison sentence and $150,000 fine. “It’s basically indentured servitude to the state for being brown or not following their insane political beliefs,” said Dickerson. “You now have to ‘show your papers’ to take a fucking piss.”